


I'll Give It All to You (Anything You Ask of Me)

by laotaohoney



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ash Lynx and Okumura Eiji in Love, College, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Mentions of Ash Lynx's Past, Minor Original Character(s), Post-Canon Fix-It, Sensuality, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Trauma, but like... this fic is less than 20k words you'll get there quick, it isnt freaky nasty but its still rated m... maybe e level steamy, ok technically ash is bi but still, they're there but its not a complete OC fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:08:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28990467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laotaohoney/pseuds/laotaohoney
Summary: Life a year later. Two boys in love, a port city they call home, and a hell of a lot of healing.AKA Ash & Eiji's life in Japan. Featuring lots of dumbed-down psych jargon, goofy soulmates Asheiji, and a few OC friends.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 19
Kudos: 113
Collections: Banana Fish Fics





	I'll Give It All to You (Anything You Ask of Me)

**Author's Note:**

> this anime broke me when i originally watched it last year so... here's the result of me needing more. this is my first fic in the BF fandom and i just needed to write something for it. this little monster was initially supposed to be 30k-40k words but for my mental stability (and to save you from reading a lot of filler) i left it at this. enjoy!

_“He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to [die… so] that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life. Live, then and be happy beloved children of my heart[.]”_

_Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo._

* * *

It’d been a year. A year since he was found, a year since he’d recovered and finally gotten on a plane. A year since escaping the confines of his incessantly volatile life as a gang leader. After the destruction of Banana Fish files and the deaths of Ash’s seemingly never-ending list of enemies, he was stabbed. Marked for death and prepared to answer it’s sickly sweet call, all for him. To protect him. Then, he realized. Of all the lessons he’d learned from his enemies, “the best thing you could be was dead” was the one that echoed in his mind those moments he laid dying in the library. Ash Lynx was already dead in New York. Dead to everyone except for the fellow dead men who knew about the now-deceased project, and those who Ash called his friends. For once in his entire nineteen years of life, he was finally given the choice of if he wanted to live or die... and he chose to live. 

He owed it to himself to live.

* * *

Every morning for the last three weeks, Eiji has woken up to cold kisses placed delicately across the pronounced line of his jaw. The chill on the fingertips of the hand gliding it’s way underneath the hem of his wool, wonderfully cozy, white sweater was a stark contrast to the warm material, but a perfect complement to the lips slowly parting to lap a soft pink tongue against the pressure point underneath his ear. 

“Good morning,” Eiji whispered, his voice still hoarse and deep from a full night of sleep, “Ash, you’re insatiable, you know that?”

The kisses moved higher, coming up to suck the lobe of his ear. Eiji couldn’t help the airy moan that left his lungs. The heat slowly starting to pool in his gut was already beginning to make him hot all over. It was nice given the frosty chill in the bedroom. The ice and snow covering most of the outside world had finally begun to creep its way inside.

“Good morning angel,” the man said, pushing his tongue firmly against the same spot, sucking the skin until it turned dark pink, “I just want you to have a good start to the day. Do you want me to stop?” 

Eiji leaned into the kisses, only feeling the haze that’d begun to flood into his brain stop once Ash pulled away to pose his question. For a moment the older man didn’t answer, letting the question hang in the air. He opted to look down at the beautiful mess of blonde locks cuddled against his neck instead, craning his neck to place a kiss on the crown of his head.

He couldn’t help it when he yawned, reaching his arms above his head and extending his legs in a full-body stretch. He turned himself onto his side, forcing him and Ash to be face-to-face. He shimmied his body forward until their legs were slotted together, not hesitating to capture those perfect lips in a kiss, nipping softly at the plump bottom one with his teeth before he relaxed his head back down onto his pillow, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and sniffling to clear his nose.

“Well,” he sighed, “We can keep going if you want to. We’re going at your pace here hun. If you wanna laze around all morning and have sex to your heart’s content, I’m not complaining about it. But, we don’t have to. Don’t feel obligated.”

Ash hummed, taking in what his raven-haired partner was saying. Eiji was making perfect sense but had a slight drawl to his voice that indicated he wasn’t fully awake yet. Alert, with a ghost of a smile on tugging at the corner of his lips, but still tired. Never in Ash’s imagination would he have become the early riser and Eiji the one who needed a coffee to _really_ perk up in the morning. 

“Remember?” Eiji mumbled, “Like we talked about? I could live without ever having sex again if that’s what makes you comfortable.”

Ash propped himself up on the bed, bringing his hand up to tangle in his hair while he held himself up on one elbow. His jade green eyes were blinking slowly, relaxed, and down at Eiji with all the love available in the world pooled into his jewel-like irises.

“Eiji, I don’t feel obligated,” Ash pouted, though he’d deny it if Eiji pointed it out, “Like I told _you_ and will tell you every day for the rest of our lives, I want you for you and I love that you want me for me. I know you aren’t just with me for sex. No celibacy required to prove it, promise. I’d miss hearing those pretty sounds you make so much it’d drive me insane.”

“Oh, these sounds?” Eiji teased, making noises that sounded less like moans and more like a donkey attempting to imitate a porn star.

“Oh yeah, that’s my favorite shit. I can’t get enough of that,” the blonde chuckled, diving forward to pin the older boy to the bed, holding his wrists firmly on the bed while he lowered himself down until their lips met in a kiss.

Eiji let himself melt into it. The chilling bite to the air nipped at his toes and fingers where Ash wasn’t pressed against his body. He instinctively pulled his legs up to run his feet along the back of the green-eyed boy’s calves, while Ash released his wrists and intertwined their hands together, sliding them upward above Eiji’s head.

“Now, how can I get you to make more noises like that? Hm?” the younger man pondered out loud.

“I can think of a few ways,” Eiji teased, grinding his hips upwards to rub against the blonde, drawing a moan from him as well, “We have all morning.”

”Hm,” Ash hummed, drinking in all the sounds his boyfriend decided to bless his ears with.

”Wait,” Eiji said, pinching Ash’s lips closed when he attempted to attack him with more kisses, “I’m gonna need to brush my teeth first. _Then_ you can ravage me as you please.”

”Sounds like a plan to me.”

* * *

It’d been a long road. An almost twelve-month-long road for them to get here, both in the physical and emotional sense. Migrating overseas had been simple enough for the American man, since he’d already had his forged documents prepared months in advance, always ready just in case. The proper transfer of power was done: Cain and Sing deciding to rule as a pair now that things had reached a state of peace, with all of the hatchets that remained with Yut-Lung Lee and the like shallowly buried. The FBI was finally done dismantling the syndicate of slavery and sex that had controlled Ash’s childhood. The project that’d tormented their lives and the powers that be was buried as well. 

Though, the emotional road was the field of stones unturned that would haunt Ash in ways he had never expected. 

Eiji was good. He was sweet and understanding and maddeningly kind. Their first few weeks together in Eiji’s hometown, Izumo, were magic, completely blissful, but anxiety-inducing. Once the initial high of the move began to decline they realized how stressful and paranoia-filled things would be for the younger of the two. Everything was too new, too unfamiliar, too delicate in the blonde’s mind.

Eiji’s family was nice. Sweet in a way that reminded Ash of candies he might have enjoyed as a child, but they were _a lot_. Too close, too familiar, too coddling in a way that Ash had surprisingly grown to almost enjoy. Eiji, however, realized he did not. Being in New York for the past two years of his life had opened him up to an entirely new world. He’d left Japan in the first place to get perspective, life experience, something to live for even, and he’d met Ash. He’d met his friends and gone on an adventure with his mentor that made it damn near impossible to settle back into his modest traditional life. He wanted to live on his own and for himself now. Though his love for his family hadn’t lessened, his goals for his life and his happiness had grown.

After two and a half months had flown by, they decided to leave. They’d given themselves long enough to get their bearings and make plans. Eiji knew the country better so he decided where they’d move, while Ash was virtually a walking wallet during the transition, having kept some of the money he’d stolen from Golzine. Half of it went to vetted organizations dedicated to helping children escape sex slavery, while the other half was divided into investment trusts. One for himself under a fake name, a separate one for Eiji (that the boy had no clue about, yet), and one for Michael should he decide to go to college one day. 

“The kid deserves his best shot,” Ash said to Eiji one day while they mulled about things over dinner, “I couldn’t save Skip, but I can at least make sure Michael will be okay.”

Eiji made sure they moved somewhere safe. Still entertaining and full of life, but somewhere the former gang leader could feel grounded as well. Somewhere they could call home, maybe even get married and adopt children in one day.

“No,” Eiji shook his head softly to himself, his thin frame illuminated by the warm light of his night table lamp while he journaled, “One day at a time. Don’t get too far ahead of yourself.”

After debating between the multiple different prefectures located on Honshū island for weeks, he eventually settled on the Kansai region. Ash would love it there, Eiji knew he would. It was busy and energetic just like New York, but could also be so peaceful and quiet just like they’d enjoyed in Massachusetts. The people were friendly and warm and spoke funny Japanese that made even native Japanese people turn their heads. 

Eiji would never forget how Ash’s eyes lit up the first time they traveled to the city to scout for apartments.

Ash knew in his heart that home would always be where Eiji was, but if anyone ever asked, he’d always say he felt their forever truly began when they started their life in Osaka

* * *

For someone who’d always lived in a constant state of change, the transition to life in Japan was something Ash had never experienced before.

Learning his way around the new city that was their home proved itself to be difficult, as he didn’t speak the language past a kindergarten level, he detested some of the popular local dishes, and the occasional stares from passersby and children who’d noticed he was a foreigner always put him on edge, but he was doing it. Familiarizing himself with his surroundings, every nook and cranny of them, made him feel more in control. He still flinched if someone brushed his shoulder as they passed him on the street, he still had to fight the urge to bodyslam anyone who hugged him from behind, and he’d joined a gym to keep his body conditioned, not wanting to let himself get too soft. But, he was adjusting. It helped that the city had a way of constantly growing and changing. It was undoubtedly one of his favorite things about it.

As the weeks turned to months, his Japanese went from “hi and bye” to tangible sentences with grammar that could be built on. There was a huge wave of western influence on Japanese fashion amongst the younger crowd that included lots of bleach and colored hair dye, so he’d begun to stick out a lot less, especially in the city. Girls dressed in gyaru and kogal styles easily took most of the attention away from him. The sukeban girls most of all. Schoolboys wore things like sagging pants, donned femininely long hair, and rode around on the sidewalks with their skateboards. All of them were kindred spirits in their longing for rebellion from society, which thankfully earned them most of the glares that he used to receive instead. He was learning to love the place as he’d loved New York.

Getting to watch the sunrise from the balcony of their home every morning, spending late nights dancing and laughing and talking with Eiji in their living room, and the thought of all the adventures to be had excited him in ways that made him feel childish. They made all of the hurdles so far worth it. He was slowly beginning to relax. Though, he realized, in some ways faster than others.

* * *

The first time Ash tried to reach out and allow Eiji to touch him, really touch him, in the basement room of the Japanese boy’s family home, he cried. As soon as his lover’s hands had caressed his skin, he couldn’t help but sob. It felt… wrong. Not at all like he’d grown accustomed to things being in all his years of abuse throughout his life. Eiji wasn’t touching him to control him or to use him as a vessel for some sick fetish, or money. He wasn’t a quick fuck in the endless string of sex partners Ash had taken over the years to take back control of his body. He wasn’t a means to an end for getting his way out of some fucked up situation. Eiji loved him. And Ash, through the two years he was in New York, and the month and a half (at the time) that they’d been in Japan, had found himself in love with the older man as well.

He slept in his bed, buried under his blankets, and silently begged for his brain to let him feel good. For once in his life, with someone he could see himself loving forever, he wanted to feel whole. That’s just not how the brain or the body worked, sadly, and he couldn’t shake the chill in his bones when he realized he couldn’t fuck or fight his fear away. Not when it came to Eiji.

Despite his hopes, moving in together didn’t remedy the problem, though Eiji never looked at it as a misfortune or situation to be remedied in the first place.

One morning after that night, they’d snuck out onto the balcony of his younger sister, Yuuko’s, bedroom while she’d gone to school for the day. They bundled themselves up in jackets and blankets, talking while they ate rice and fish, looked out at the clouds, debating on if their chosen ones looked more like dogs or dragons. 

Ash would steal glances at Eiji every few minutes, watching his hair sway with the uncharacteristically mild mid-winter winds. He memorized his face: the sweet slope of his blush-red nose, the crook in his jaw, his pretty doe eyes. He let his mother start cutting his hair once a week, turning the shaggy mop on his head into something neat and presentable. Still very stylish for Eiji, but something a little less wild that framed his gorgeous face. 

“Your eyes might get stuck like that if you keep staring,” Eiji teased, looking over the rim of his bowl as he shoveled rice into his mouth.

Ash scoffed, crossing his arms and looking away from Eiji indignantly. 

“You’re one to talk,” he whined, “I see you looking at me all the time.”

Eiji chuckled, taking small sips of hot miso soup his mother had made fresh before work that morning.

“I look at you so much because I’m still a little shocked that you’re here. Well, that and you’re a pretty funny looking,” the older boy laughed, finding the incredulous look on the blonde’s face hilarious.

Ash gasped, heckling Eiji about how he was one to talk. 

He didn’t mean for it to slip out then, but he couldn’t take it back when it did.

“I’m gorgeous. An absolute knockout! Why else do you think I was so popular with Gloz-,” the blonde paused, seeming to deflate a little once the thought had been said out loud.

Eiji looked at him with soft eyes. Those beautiful doe eyes that harbored so much hurt for the former-gang leader. If anyone else in the world had looked at Ash that way he would have knocked their teeth out of their mouth. He’d have made them stare down the barrel of his gun and asked if they pitied him now. He couldn’t be angry at Eiji though, never in a million years, not if someone paid him a billion dollars. 

“Ash,” Eiji began, rapidly closing his mouth when Ash lifted his hand in a way that meant “Stop. Don’t say anything.”

The tension rolled off of the American boy in waves, so thick it could be cut like softened butter. Eiji couldn’t read his mind, but he could imagine the freight train of thoughts rolling through his partner’s head. He empathized but knew he would never understand, so let him brood. Ash deserved the time to process his thoughts and feelings about what he’d been through on his own. 

“Hey,” he muttered, breaking the silence after the seconds had turned into minutes, “I’m gonna ask you for something, and it would mean a lot to me if you did it.”

Eiji didn’t expect to get emotional solely from hearing Ash speak, but he was. His eyes were wet with tears that hadn’t yet fallen, his voice came out as barely a whisper. The city around them suddenly felt too quiet.

“Anything.”

Ash sighed, a tear falling down his cheek as he did so.

“Can you hold me, please? I just, I _need_ to show you and myself that I trust you because I do. You aren’t any of those men, nothing like them at all, not even close. But, maybe we just take things slower.”

Eiji scooched himself over to Ash, slightly lifting the younger man into his lap. The blonde settled quickly, wrapping Eiji’s arms around his chest, and intertwining their hands as they laid on his sternum. He cradled the blonde, their food bowls and drinks abandoned, and shoved aside without thought. He let his head rest atop of the other man’s wavy locks and sighed, breathing in the mildly fragrant scent of his hair.

“Ash,” Eiji whispered, after a while, “You don’t owe me anything. Not your time, not your love, and not your body. I’d love to take things slow with you. You have all the power here to decide what that means.”

After that morning, they started doing things at Ash’s pace. Soft touches, long glances, holding hands, occasionally kissing each other’s cheeks. This went on well into them living together, at least the first four months, and it was nice. Ash deserved the space to discover who he was outside of the things he’d been robbed of his entire life. From Golzine to his father, to the men who’d used him, and those who Ash had used to take back his power. He was bigger than all the things that made up the cesspool that’d settled into his soul. Eiji was along for the ride. He loved Ash, though neither of them had said the words directly yet, it was known. Whatever Ash was comfortable with, Eiji knew he would be comfortable with. So, imagine the older boy’s surprise when one day, out of the blue while shopping through the market for vegetables…

“I want you to fuck me, and it’s pissing me off that we haven’t been able to do it yet,” Ash sighed, ignoring the glare from a mother nearby who surprisingly spoke enough English to understand what the blonde had said. 

Eiji’s cheeks turned as red as the cherry tomatoes he was holding in his hands. He bowed quickly in apology to the woman and dragged Ash away by his wrist.

Once they were out of the market and walking back down the street to their shared apartment, Eiji asked, “Okay, why the sudden talk about sex in the middle of the produce aisle? That woman was two seconds away from flagging down a police officer.”

“Fuck ‘em,” Ash huffed, pulling a cigarette from the pack stuffed down into the front pocket of his jeans. He placed the cancer-stick between his lips, using his free hand to light it, while his other hand held the heavier bags of their groceries.

It was a new habit Eiji was sure he’d picked up from their elderly neighbor on the floor beneath them. Every week the tiny, hunchbacked old man tried and failed to bring all of his groceries up to his room on the second floor. One day Ash noticed, and ever since, every Thursday at 2 pm he’d descend their stairs to meet Mr. Nakamura at his door. Even though the old man spoke very little English, and Ash’s Japanese was still so-so at best, the two had formed a little bond. A strange trust that even Ash himself couldn’t quite explain.

The old man would always wipe his brow once they made it inside, sit in his favorite recliner chair, and smoke a cigarette. In the best English accent he could manage, he’d say, “Kid, _wan-_ one?” Eventually the blonde accepted, and (to Eiji’s chagrin) had taken a liking to them. Though he only really seemed to smoke when he was stressed, or felt antsy and needed something to keep his hands busy. He’d often sit outside at night, cigarette in hand while he looked out at the sun setting beneath the trees from their communal lawn, thinking endlessly about all of the things he wished for himself and Eiji in their shared future. Of all the ways he wanted to show Eiji that he loved him.

“This is going to sound insane,” Ash began, taking a long drag off of the cigarette.

“I’m listening,” the older boy said with intrigue.

“I’ve been talking to Ibe lately. About you and me, and my _issue_.”

Eiji fought the urge to roll his eyes, choosing to lightly punch Ash’s shoulder instead.

“Okay! I know, I know,” the younger man groaned, “It’s not my fault I have “trauma,” _but,_ it is still an issue, at least to me. I want to do more than just hold your hand and kiss you Eiji.”

The Japanese boy snuck a glance at his partner, instantly noticing the hint of sadness etched into the creases around his frowning lips. 

“Okay, I understand that. So, what’d you talk to Ibe about?”

* * *

Having been in charge of a portion of the largest crime syndicate in America, Ash knew a fair share about the importance of partnership, of creating a small circle of those you trust even within your gang. His last two years as a crime boss had taught him that sometimes you had to go outside of yourself for guidance. Going to a complete stranger, no. He could never work up the nerve for that, but going to Ibe had been a compromise he could make with himself.

“How do we feel about sencha tea? Maybe some oolong tea instead?” Ibe said, floating around his quaint kitchen, grabbing this and that to brew the hot drink.

Ash sat on the tatami mat covered hardwood floors of the older man’s apartment. His bare feet were cool from the breeze of the air blowing in from the apartment’s cracked windows, the rising warmth of the incoming spring made it pleasant.

“Sure, I’ll take a cup.”

Ash didn’t have to wait long for Ibe to eventually round his way from the kitchen into the living area, pouring both of them a generous amount of tea into the baby blue teacups his niece, Akira, had gifted him.

The young woman had grown on Ash over the few months he’d known her. She was sweet and always smelled of jasmine, spoke in an accent that even Ash noticed despite not being fluent in Japanese, and she was very smart. She and Yuuko had become friends while the black-haired boy was off galavanting around New York, so she frequented their family home while the boys lived there. In the deep recesses of his mind, Ash imagined she’d get along well with Sing. She was strong and funny and would humble the boy that Ash knew would become a great man. 

Oh well, in another life.

“So,” the professor hummed, “What brings you by today?”

He could see the younger man tense his shoulders slightly when he took a deep gulp of the hot beverage. He’d been by to visit quite a few times in the last few weeks, but normally with Eiji. One day the former gang leader had begun to call, asking this and that about seemingly random things, and eventually, finally, started to visit on his own. 

“I, uh,” he hesitated, “It’s about Eiji.”

“Eiji?” he questioned, raising his brows, “Is he okay?”

“Oh yeah, he’s perfect. The issue is him, and me.”

The older man hummed, encouraging him to go on.

“Since we’ve been here I haven’t been able to… do _things_ with him. Things I think would make him feel good, and happy with me.” 

Ibe quickly understood what the younger man meant by “things” and cleared his throat before he choked on his tea. 

“Ah, so, you haven’t been able to do _things_ with Eiji? Has he been pressuring you to try?”

“What?” Ash said, feeling as though the question were a slap, “Of course he hasn’t pressured me. He’s been going along with my pace every step of the way. He hasn’t tried to make me do anything, not even once.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No, it’s just not a good thing either. I want to be able to do things for him, to make him know that I love him. I’ve never not been able to do _it._ It’s just not fair,” Ash chuckled, feeling as though the universe had played him some sick cosmic disservice, “The one man I love and want to show that love to, and my body finally decides to clam up on me. It’s a fucking joke.”

“Hey, it’s just your mind trying to protect you. You’ve been through so much Ash, way more than anyone should’ve ever had to.”

“Well, how do I tell my brain to stop it and that we’re fine?”

“Sorry to say bud but you probably can’t, not without some help. But, I will say, physical things aren’t the only way to show someone you love them. You know Eiji better than I do, and even I can say you know he’d love you until the Earth stopped turning whether you could show him that love with your body or not. The kid’s in deep with you, just talk to him about it.”

The blonde hummed, letting quiet settle over the room.

Ash had, for a long time, accepted that he was destined for death and nothing more. He couldn’t have dreamt up Eiji, or this life in Japan that they’d begun to live. He never saw himself as anything more than a doll to be fucked, a cog in a machine of destruction and pain, or someone murderous and subhuman that was unworthy of life.  
  
Then things changed, and they were here. All the scars and fears and pain still left within the beautiful blonde, and he had no idea how to go about _actually_ letting go of them.

“How about this,” Ibe clapped, hopping up from his seat, “I have an English friend at Osaka University. He’s a psychologist, and he majored in stuff like this. He does lessons on things like healing from trauma: sexual, emotional, physical, etc. I’ll get you a student pass and you can go sit in on his lessons. He also wrote a book that I’ll let you borrow.” 

Ash scoffed, taking a swig of his tea to muffle the growing laugh.

“Me? Going to college? Oh god, the guys would get a good laugh out of that.”

Ibe chuckled, imagining the entire gang sitting in the back rows of an auditorium taking notes like diligent students. Maybe one day some of them would get the chance. He could only hope.

“Ash, I think it could help. Just try it? Go for a few classes and just see what it does for you. I know you want to get better for Eiji but I think it may help to heal for yourself first. Eiji will be there, you know that.”

The blonde looked at the older man for a moment, looking into his eyes that were gently pleading with him to concede.

“Okay fine,” he huffed, rolling his eyes, “I’ll try it. I don’t have to write essays and shit do I?”

Ibe genuinely laughed at that, taking their cups to place them in the kitchen sink.

“No, you do not. Just show up and listen, and see how it goes.”

“Roger that.”

“Good. Now,” he said, placing his hands on his hips, “Where could I have put that book?”

* * *

It’d been a couple months since Ash first went to a class at Ibe’s suggestion. 

The professor was nice enough, and his classmates were interesting. There was a solid mix of both Japanese and International students, while the professor himself was British. Ash had never met anyone from Britain before, but the man, Professor Williams, was just as mild-mannered and intelligent as the Japanese professors around him.

The first few classes had been simple, almost too boring to make Ash want to return, but the required readings had grown to become as interesting as they were helpful (though Ash was annoyed that he did end up having to do them, and homework), and the library was a welcome environment since he’d left the New York Public Library back home. 

“Okay class, welcome back. I hope you found the [ study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3235413/) I gave you last class helpful. I wanted a one-page written report on your thoughts after reading it, so go ahead and pass those up. We’re gonna go over some things from it today. Sound good?”

A low hum of “yes” and “okays” rumbled around the room. His classmates passed their papers down the rows until they’d all been collected by the students who assisted the professor, while Ash opted to walk down to his desk and hand it to the man himself. 

“Ah, Ash,” the professor said, “I hope this paper’s as insightful as always. You have a very unique way of dissecting all of our readings.”

“That’s a good thing, I’m assuming?” Ash said, cocking an eyebrow

The professor chuckled, tucking Ash’s essay away with the rest of the stack now sitting on his desk.

“It’s interesting. My teacher’s assistant Lily has a few notes for you if you have the time to discuss them with her.”

“I’m sure I’ll find the time. Lily,” Ash said, acknowledging the petite girl sitting at her desk next to their teacher. 

To Ash’s surprise, they’d become something akin to friends. Lily was Japanese-American and had only been in the country for about three years, as they’d learned in their icebreaker sessions. She spoke English as well as anyone else from out of the country, and she had a deeper voice that reminded Ash of Ibe’s niece. The girl couldn’t have been much older than Eiji was, though she looked as young as some of the freshman students Ash had seen wandering around. 

Her dark brown hair was cut to stop at her shoulders, while her bangs were a little too long and needed a trim, and her features were relatively soft. Her eyes were deep pools of black, encased in her almond-shaped eyes, and her nose was wider at the nostrils than the bridge would have you expect. She was nice and objectively very pretty. 

He made his way back up to his seat and noticed a boy staring at her. A Canadian boy named Thomas that had a crooked smile and blonde hair and always seemed to enjoy class discussions. Ash noted him as someone to keep his eye on as he mentally took inventory of the rest of the room. 

He pulled out a three-subject notebook, along with his favorite pen and a stack of sticky notes Eiji had bought for him. They were a mix of odd colors instead of the standard pale yellow, and his notebook had a few stickers on it. Ash did not expect Eiji to go all out by buying his supplies, but once it was done Ash didn’t know why he’d expected anything less.

The initial revelation that Ash intended to go to the college for psychology courses went over with Eiji well enough. The comical look of surprise on the older man’s face would be a memory Ash would return to laugh at often, but otherwise, he was supportive, albeit curious.

“So, you? School?” the raven-haired beauty said, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah. School. Who would’ve figured that?”

The blonde floated his way around the space of their shared apartment, filling their glasses with tea and spreading jam across their respective pieces of toast.

“Wow, I owe Ibe something nice,” he chuckled, “Getting Ash Lynx into a classroom was not something I expected to ex-out on my bingo card.”

“Okay, okay. Not too much. This was my decision,” Ash said, placing Eiji’s toast down in front of him first, “Ibe said he thought that the professor’s class might help me get some understanding on things. I’ve got nothing else to lose, right?"

“Valid point. So,” Eiji said, cocking an eyebrow, “Does this mean I get to help you study? I’ve been reading up on some things about our _situation_. It’d be nice to help how I can.”

Ash gasped, choking a bit on his tea.

“They have books about reformed mafia bosses finding love with the most beautiful Japanese man they’ve ever met?”

“No!” Eiji chuckled, throwing a corner piece of his toast at his boyfriend, “They make books about _trauma_. Is that how you pronounce it in English?”

“Yes my love, you said it perfectly.”

“Okay, then trauma. I read some papers about it, and how it affects people who’ve had it happen, and how to be a supportive partner for them.”

“Well color me surprised,” Ash jeered, “and here I was thinking you magically woke up perfect for me.”

Another piece of toast was flung.

“Hey, I am perfect for you. I just want to be the best for you, and support you the best way that I can.”

“And I love you for that,” the blonde said, grabbing hold of Eiji’s hand to kiss it, “Now, I need to learn how to help myself.”

Eiji stopped mid-chew of his toast, processing the words that’d just been said. He swallowed quickly and took a quick sip of his tea. It felt almost too mundane to have been the first time Ash said “I love you” but in a way, that’s what made it perfect.

“I love you too, Ash,” Eiji said, a small smile on his lips, “This will be good.”

“I hope so. I guess we’ll see.”

“That we will.”

* * *

The first week of the class had been tame. They’d spent time doing “icebreakers” and going over the schedule for the course. Ash could already see a variety of different “assault” education-based lectures and trauma-coping skills workshops. He was smart and strong and knew he needed to power through them, but he still had a hard time once they finally came around.

The first discussion they’d had covered trauma response. It shouldn’t have been the thing that triggered him, but hearing all the ways he’d acted that he’d never attributed to the things that had happened to him took him by surprise. 

He’d remembered barely mumbling out a request to go to the restroom, deciding to bolt towards the door with all of his supplies in hand when he’d heard a faint “yes.” 

Once he was out of the classroom and into the quickly shrinking atmosphere of the hallway, he felt his heart rate pick up. His breathing was getting shallow despite his futile efforts to make his respirations slow and deep to combat the impending feeling. His backpack felt too tight like someone was grasping onto him and refused to let go. He could feel all those hands on him, every single one from the decade and a half of torment he’d endured. 

“Why?” Ash thought, screaming at himself in his mind to calm down. 

He could feel himself hyperventilating, the shallow breaths getting quicker and quicker until his vision began to blur and he felt like he would faint.

He felt his mouth open like it was trying to make out words, but Ash couldn’t focus. He slid himself down onto the cold tile of the hallway floor and brought his knees up to his chest, his head ducking between his thighs.

He could make out the faint click of a door opening and close through the deafening sound of blood rushing around his brain. Lily, his TA, came around the corner to find Ash gasping for his life.

“Oh my gosh,” she exclaimed, rushing to sit on her knees in front of the blonde, “Okay, what do you need? Can I breathe with you, is that okay?”

Ash felt himself nod the affirmative and the girl did. She took exaggerated deep breaths in, and slowly exhaled them out. Slowly he felt himself falling in line with her breaths, letting her set the rhythm for his respirations. 

"Whatever you’re feeling might be scary, but it’s not dangerous. This is going to pass. You’re safe right now and the thoughts you’re having can’t hurt you."

The words rang through Ash’s mind like the resonation of a gong that’d just been hit. 

“I’m okay,” he thought to himself, “This will pass. I’m safe here.”

Eventually, he felt his body relax. His heart came down to a relatively normal rate and he could finally breathe again. 

“You okay?” the girl asked, placing a gentle hand on Ash’s shoulder.

He nodded, gently removing the girl’s hand from his shoulder as he moved to stand up again.

“I’ve felt better but yeah. I’m okay. Thanks.”

“No problem,” she chuckled, “Happens to the best of us. Gonna come back to class or…”

“Or. Not really in the mood to hear more about how I’m damaged until I decide not to be anymore.”

The girl fluttered her eyelashes in what Ash assumed was shock.

“Oh, well, I don’t think that’s exactly what the professor meant or anything. The lecture topic is going deeper into healing strategies and processing trauma if you’re interested in that. I know the discussion was heavy, but he has some valuable info to share with you guys if you’re open to listening. How about you give me a signal if it’s too much and I’ll have him wrap it up with that topic. If it’s all too much then you can walk out now and I won’t say a word, promise.”

“A signal?”

“Yeah! Like, um, scratch your nose with your index finger if you’re too uncomfy. If I don’t see then clear your throat twice.”

“Um,” Ash said, rubbing the nape of his neck, “Sure. Why not. I came all the way down, might as well go learn something helpful.”

“Okay!” she cheered, “That’s the spirit.”

“Yup,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes, “Let’s get this over with.”

* * *

“So, one skill that plenty of trauma survivors use as a tool for reintegration into healthy sex lives in scheduling. I know, it doesn’t sound very sexy. But, plenty of people have reported that scheduling sex and deeper acts of intimacy has helped them gain a sense of control in their sex lives and given them peace-of-mind knowing that nothing spontaneous is going to happen.”

The sound of frantic scribbling of pens across notebook paper made Ash laugh quietly to himself. 

“Was that really something necessary for note-taking?” he thought, imagining different variations of: [ _schedule sex time_ ] in his classmates’ journals.

“Is it like how people who practice BDSM schedule scenes? You plan out the scenarios so both partners are aware of what’s happening to keep anyone from getting overwhelmed?” Milo, the German exchange student of their class said.

“In a way, yes,” Professor Williams said, “Scheduling time to be affectionate with a partner doesn’t mean it’s automatically devoid of passion or any less _entertaining_. It just adds structure to the event that can help those who need it. Everyone on the same page?”

Ash joined the chorus of “yes” and “got it” responses to their professor’s prompt.

“Okay, good. I think that’s a pretty good stopping place then. I want you all to have a fun weekend. No assignments, for once. I just want you to put into practice some of the self-care and healing tactics we’ve discussed should any of them apply to you. Be safe getting home.”

Ash made quick work of collecting his belongings and placing them neatly into his backpack. Most of his classmates had already filtered their way out as they said their goodbyes and joined each other for post-lecture excursions. 

Lily hung around, waiting for Ash to descend down the stairs and pass her TA station.

“So, what’d you think?” she said, walking alongside Ash as they left their class and entered the school’s sizable courtyard, “I read your report on that study. Sounds like you’re finding this stuff pretty insightful, maybe?”

“The readings are interesting, yeah, so are the lectures. I think I’d rather chew off my own fingers than put sex on a calendar though.”

The petite girl couldn’t stifle her laugh.

“Well, you don’t actually have to. It’s all about doing what makes you feel comfortable and safe with your partner. Gaining control back and all that jazz. You know? Whatever that means for you.”

“I think I follow.”

“Good,” Lily giggled, covering her mouth with her hand, “Well, I have a date to go get ready for so I’ll catch you later?”

“Oh?” Ash coaxed, “And who might this date be with?”

“Thomas. He asked me out for coffee, isn’t that sweet? It’s technically supposed to be hush-hush since I’m still your TA for the next month so don’t say anything, okay?”

Ash crossed his heart with his index finger and winked at the petite brunette.

“My lips are completely sealed. Just be careful and have a good time.”

“Oh I plan on it,” she chuckled, “Do you have anything fun planned for the weekend? Hanging out with anyone special?”

“Plans, not yet. Someone special in mind to make plans with? Yes. I want to plan something special for us to do soon. We haven’t seen nearly enough of the city.”

“Oh my god! I have plenty of date spot ideas in the city. Hang back for a second. I can write you a list,” Lily exclaimed, stopping at a nearby table to pull out her notebook and a pen.

“Lilian. I thought you had somewhere to-”

“Nope, don’t Lilian me. This will only take me two minutes. Sit! We have a date to plan.”

“How hard will you fight me on this if I say no thanks and walk away?”

“I’ll follow you and yell the ideas at the top of my lungs for everyone else to hear as well. Do you really want to force me to do that?”

Ash rolled his eyes, taking a seat across from his TA at their shared picnic-style table.

“No, I would not.”

“Smart choice. Now, let’s begin,” she said, faux cracking her knuckles and neck, “Does she like movies? If she does, old-timey ones or the newest releases?”

Ash took a slow inhale of breath, deciding at that moment to _really_ take a chance on Lily.

“Oh, uh, _he_ likes new movies. He also prefers dinners at home but likes to go out for drinks. He’s a good dancer and will eat anything at least once, and he loves going to places that are a new experience for him. He’s sweet and stubborn, but in a cute way, not a stressful one.”

“Oh wow,” Lily said, a small smile on her lips, “So, what’s this mystery man’s name?”

“Eiji. His name is Eiji.”

“Well then, let’s think of something _really_ good for you and Eiji.”

* * *

After multiple years of knowing the former gang leader, Eiji could honestly say he knew the blonde pretty well. He was impulsive, sometimes to the point of recklessness, imaginative yet so driven by knowledge, and charismatic to a fault. However, in none of his wildest dreams did he imagine Ash Lynx to be the type of man who not only planned but seemed giddy about having a date night. 

“So, apparently this one is about gay American vampires that adopt a child together, and this one is about a group of sisters. One of them wants to be a writer or something and the other ones want to marry...” 

“We’re definitely watching the gay vampires. That actor I like is in this one. _Brad Pitt_ , yes? He’s so handsome with long hair,” Eiji said, hanging over Ash’s shoulder as he pointed at the scan of the movie poster in their newspaper.

“Hmph,” Ash scoffed, “He’s not more handsome than me.”

“Oh no, of course not,” Eiji teased, nuzzling his nose under Ash’s ear, “There’s only one spot for a handsome American man in my heart. Do you think Brad would answer if I proposed via letter?”

Ash turned up his nose at his boyfriend.

“Ask Brad Pitt if he’ll pay for your movie tickets too while you’re at it,” he said petulantly, refusing to look Eiji in the eye.

He couldn’t help but laugh, flipping himself over the couch to cuddle against his partner’s side. He reached up his hand to quickly pinch Ash’s cheek.

“Aye, such a big baby. How can I prove my love to you?”

  
Ash peaked down at Eiji with one eye, his nose still upturned.

“Kisses may be an acceptable form of proof, for now.”

“Say no more,” Eiji said, immediately bombarding Ash with kisses all over his chin, cheeks, and lips. 

“Okay, okay, I accept your proof,” Ash chucked, the kisses to his neck becoming more and more ticklish. 

“Good! Now, which showing should we go to?”

Ash settled back into their comfortable embrace, showing Eiji the slots of time under the movie title. Eventually, they settled on a showtime of _Interview with the Vampire._ Ash marked the selection with a wide circle around the showtime in yellow highlighter.

“7:00 pm? We have some time then, huh?” Eiji said, plopping himself onto the couch to cuddle up to the blonde’s side. 

“Yeah, an hour and a half. Hey, why don’t we go check out that street carnival going on at the pier in the meantime? It’s close to the theater. I heard they have candy apples _and_ takoyaki there.”

“Oh?” Eiji perked up, “and since when do you like takoyaki?”

“I don’t,” Ash said, grimacing at the thought of hot squishy octopus inside of a lightly fried dough ball, “I do like candy apples though and _you_ love takoyaki. Sound like fun?”

“Hm,” the older man hummed, feigning contemplation, “Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun. Can we wear those button-downs I got us? I’m dying to see you in some color for once.”

“The matching ones?”

“They aren’t _matching,_ they’re just the same style. Your shirt has a completely different pattern on it than mine.”

“Eiji, I think most people would still consider that matching,” Ash said, looking slyly down at his partner.

Now it was Eiji’s turn to upturn his nose. The raven-haired man escaped from their embrace to stomp around their apartment, eventually making it to their (his) closet to pull out the shirts.

“Here’s a red one with checkers for you. Here’s the baby blue one for me. See? Completely different!” Eiji yelled, stripping himself of his t-shirt to put on a fresh white one along with his button-down.

“Yes, yes, they _are_ different, I can totally see it now,” Ash said, chuckled at the crease forming on his boyfriend’s forehead, “Thank you for getting them baby. They’re so stylish.”

“Hmph,” Eiji huffed, pulling on his favorite pair of light wash jeans, “You’re lucky you’re cute and easy to shop for.”

Ash couldn’t help but laugh, taking a few steps forward to bring Eiji into his arms.

“Oh, whatever would I do without you making sure we have clothes and groceries and food from the grannies you always manage to befriend in our apartments?”

“Yeah, yeah. Eat this one,” Eiji said, sticking up his middle finger and poking out his tongue.

“Eat that one,” Ash said, doing the same.

They dissolved into a fit of giggles at each other’s theatrics, both hurriedly putting on the rest of their clothes and shoes.

Ash hadn’t mentioned it to Eiji, but tonight would be the night they tried again. If all went well and Eiji was up for it when the moment came, Ash secretly hoped it would be the night they finally got to show their love in the most physical way a couple can. The mood was right, and Ash felt more prepared, emotionally. His classes had actually been helping him learn how to process a lot of the things he’d been through, and tonight he hoped he could finally put it into practice. This was going to work for him. 

* * *

_Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang._

“Woah Ash, save some balloons for the kids,” Eiji urged through his giggles, slightly sullen at the looks on the faces of the children next to them.

A mere twenty minutes into being at the carnival and Ash had already won Eiji two leopard plushies, three balloon necklaces, a giant lollipop, and two glow-in-the-dark bracelets. The looks of disdain thrown his way by the game's master and the slew of children also attempting to win prizes were too funny for the Japanese man not to laugh at.

Ash had, by some miracle, found the only shooting based game in the entire carnival. His control with an air-soft rifle was just as accurate, if not more so, than his skills with real weapons. Much to the dismay of the children and of course, the carnival folk. 

Ash cleared the last two balloons that needed to be popped and the game’s master (very begrudgingly) handed them another stuffed animal. This time Ash handed it to a little girl, no older than four or five, and couldn’t help but smile when her tiny eyes got as wide as the moon. 

Eiji gifted his uneaten lollipop and one of the balloon necklaces to other children nearby as well. They walked around, now with significantly less stuff, and enjoyed the sights of the festivities.

“Who would’ve thought they’d do something like this in the middle of Osaka? Maybe we should come out to Kita more often.”

“I’d be down for that. Next time, your treat.”

“Aye,” Eiji jeered, lightly punching Ash in the arm.

The two walked through the side streets of the Dotonbori area, admiring all the sites happening around the central canal. Eiji pointed out this and that to draw Ash’s attention. The streets were lined with screens showing all sorts of moving adverts and clips from popular animes. The area was flooded with restaurants, street-side food stalls, and plenty of bars.

They sauntered their way through the district until they reached their destination: the Toho Theater that played all of the recent releases from overseas. 

* * *

“So,” Eiji singsonged, “What’d you think?”

Ash shrugged, taking Eiji’s hand in his again now that they were in the cool night air of the Osaka streets.

“Honestly? Not gay enough. The tension was palpable but there was no payoff. Such a pity,” Ash shook his head, actually looking sullen despite his sarcastic tone.

“Well, there are other types of cinemas that pay much more _explicitly_ homoerotic films if that’s what you’re wanting,” Eiji winked, making eyes at his partner.

“Okay perv,” Ash joked, softly bumping Eiji with his elbow, “I’d much rather try things out with you at home than watch porn in some seedly theater. Unless you’re secretly into that whole “barely separated by a thin curtain” thing.”

Eiji chuckled, obviously very amused by the mere thought.

“Suffice to say, no, I’m not into that.”

“What? The paper-thin curtains and the unabashed chorus of men wanking in a shared space or giving things another try?”

“What?” he laughed, “Obviously the curtain thing. I’d love to give things another try, but only if you want to.”

Eiji took a moment to process what Ash had just said.

“Wait, are you saying that you want to?” 

“Well,” Ash said, looking into his boyfriend’s eyes, “Yeah, I’m saying that I want to. I feel better and more secure these days, and I think exploring could be fun. In class, we learned this way to maybe help ease into it and make the whole thing less stressful so I was wondering… how do you feel about _planning_ what’s going to happen when we get home?”

“Ash, I’d love to talk about all things I want you to do to me, and what I can do to make you feel good too.”

Ash couldn’t really hide the flushed tips of his ears or the red hue rising to the surface of his skin.

“Jeez, you go from a sweet angel who’d never say a dirty word if their life depended on it to this _fiend_ in the blink of an eye. Just when you think you know a person,” Ash feigned shock, holding his hand up to his forehead as if he felt faint.

“Yeah, yeah. I have the same amount of purity in these bones as James Dean did, he just acted on it a lot more often than I’d ever dream to.”

“Well, color me surprised. I’m living under the same roof as a little deviant.”

“Ash,” Eiji chuckled, “You have no idea.”

* * *

Their train ride home was brisk, stopping just as fast as it’d begun. The two men walked home from their stop in relative comfortable silence, both content with being on the same page for the events happening the rest of the night.

Ash was strangely nervous. Not an “I want to run for the hills,” kind of nervous, but a first time having sex sort of nervous, which he found incredibly ironic. Eiji didn’t seem tense at all, walking alongside Ash with his shoulders square and a ghost of a smile on his lips. 

Eiji hadn’t done much in terms of physically experimenting with intercourse, but he’d visited a bathhouse or two in the years before he’d left Japan. He saw the occasional man on his knees for another man, hands underneath towels and stifled moans echoing down the halls from the showers. It was also an open secret that one particular acquaintance from his former sports team also had a thing for men, and they may have kissed a few times. Frantic groping and sloppy kisses under the bleachers, but they never really talked about it. It stopped as soon as it started and eventually the boy graduated, moving on from their closeted life throughout high school.

The culture around discussing sex being considered taboo in his homeland didn’t help. Though, he had learned a fair share about sex while he adventured in America. 

Reading magazines with pictures of nude women and men that he’d found around the hideout, letting Bones and Kong recount the dirty tales of their weekend conquests while he cooked them all dinner. There was even a night where he walked in on a girl very elegantly riding his partner’s best friend while he lived with them in their New York apartment. 

After their conversation, Ash knew he’d be great. Anything Eiji didn’t know how to do yet, they’d learn together in time.

“Honey we’re home,” Eiji said, smiling as the entrance to their apartment block came into view. Ash loathed it, but he had to release Eiji’s hand to grab his keys and unlock their door. 

Once inside, they placed down the bags that contained their carnival goodies, kicked off their shoes, and placed them in their shoe caddy by the door.

It shouldn’t have felt as tense as it did, but Ash couldn’t help the slight nerves he had brewing in his gut. The last time hadn’t gone well and if _this_ time didn’t go well then what did that mean for-

“Ash,” Eiji said, pulling the younger man out of his thoughts, “You okay?”

“Oh yeah, I’m okay. Just thinking.”

The older man furrowed his brow, walking over to where Ash had wandered into their living room area.

“We don’t have to do anything if you’ve changed your mind,” the older man said, running the tips of his fingers along the sides of Ash’s arms, “We can just watch a show together or make brownies or something instead. Whatever you wanna do.”

“No, I’m fine,” Ash said, pulling his boyfriend into a hug, “I want to, promise.”

Like a mantra in his mind leading up to this night, he remembered that whatever anxiety he felt brewing under his skin may have been scary, but it was not dangerous. He was safe and happy at that moment with Eiji, and no fears or anxieties he had, had the power to hurt him. 

“Well, just keep in mind that you’re in control here my love. If you want to stop, we will. If you want to change what we’re planning to do, I’m all for it. Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ash whispered.

“Okay? We’re gonna check-in and talk to each other the whole time. This is gonna be a good time baby.”

“This is gonna be good,” Ash repeated, tracing his hand up the side of Eiji’s neck, cupping it behind his ear.

Just like they’d discussed, Ash was the one to lean in and initiate their kiss. His lips slotted against Eiji’s slowly. There was a characteristic softness to their kisses, adoration and love packed into the ways they breathed each other’s air and held each other in their embrace. 

Eiji could feel a slight tenseness in his partner’s shoulders, but the deeper their kiss became, the more he felt him relax. This was a marked difference from the last few times their kisses had gotten just a bit too heated. This time, Ash was in control, wholly (at Eiji’s discretion, of course), and it was calming to have that wholeheartedly in mind. 

“Ash,” Eiji groaned, reluctantly pulling away from the kiss, “I’m gonna go into the bedroom first, and when I call for you… come in, okay? If we’re gonna do this I want it to be nice.”

“It’s already so nice,” Ash said, leaning back in to plant a flurry of pecks on Eiji’s lips, “Are you sure we can’t change this part?”

“Hm,” the older man moaned, melting as Ash moved his mouth down from his lips to suck on the pressure point underneath his ear, “Oh wow, that feels really good.” 

“Mhm?” the younger man hummed, running his tongue softly along the now bruised area of Eiji’s skin.

“Okay, wait, give me two seconds. I’ll make it extra quick, I just,” he said, interrupted by a moan forcing its way out of his throat, “It’ll only take a second.”

Eiji forced himself to pull away from Ash, turning around to give his partner one more kiss before he darted towards their bedroom. He closed the door behind him to shield the room from Ash’s view. 

The blonde could hear the faint sound of cabinets opening and clattering of _something_ being sat down on the surfaces around the room. When Ash heard the distinct sound of matches being flicked to life, he knew everything was done.

“Okay,” Eiji yelled out for Ash, “You can come in hun.”

Ash opened the door to their bedroom and (though they’d already discussed this) was still pleasantly surprised by the sight of candles, small tea lights, scattered in shallow dishes all over the room. Eiji had found faux-roses from somewhere in the depths of their shared storage closet and scattered them all over the floor surrounding their oversized queen bed. Ash instantly noticed a packet of condoms along with a bottle of lubricant sat on Eiji’s bedside table. Next to it were two bottles of water he’d snagged from their cabinet as he walked to their room as well.

“Wow,” Ash whispered, “I know you said you wanted to do something but I didn't peg you for this type of romantic.”

“Yeah, well,” Eiji said, bashful as he waltzed up to Ash at their bedroom door, “I want this to be good for you.”

“And I,” Ash said, punctuated by a kiss, “Want this to feel good for you.”

Ash backed them slowly towards the bed, dropping Eiji onto it and crawling them back onto their pillows.

Ash couldn’t get over how beautiful Eiji looked under the warm glow of the candlelight. It bathed his skin in an orange hue that made him look like gold. 

“Are you just gonna stare or are you gonna touch me?” Eiji teased, his chest already rising and falling heavily.

Ash made relatively slow work of removing their clothes. He wanted to touch and taste every part of his partner that the older man allowed. He wanted to let Eiji touch him as well, to show him that he was loved and cared for in a way that he’d never experienced with sex before. 

“Wait,” Eiji said, trying desperately to make himself stop assaulting Ash’s neck with small nips and kisses, “Can we switch?”

Ash raised his eyebrows, lowering almost all his weight down onto his partner. He reached an arm under the small of Eiji’s back, using the position he was in with his legs to flip them over. Eiji straddled his waist, looking both eager and nervous to be there.

“What happened to all that confidence from earlier?” Ash teased.

“It’s still there. I just want to do something for you and I want to make sure it’s okay.”

“Okay?” Ash questioned, feigning innocence. He knew the possibilities of what the older man was about to ask, but he didn’t expect the answer to make a new rush of warmth flush his skin.

“Is it okay if I,” he stammered, “Well, suck _it?_ ”

Ash’s mind felt as though it’d flown off the hinges.

“You can do that if you want to. I’ve never really had it done to me, actually, so just… tell me if I’m hurting you or doing too much.”

“Okay. I’ve only ever seen it in magazines and stuff, so tell me if I’m doing it right. We’ll just… talk, yes?”

“Okay. I can do that,” Ash reassured himself, “Should I be like this on the bed or do you want to move into the chair or…”

“This is okay,” Eiji said, shuffling himself backward until he was on his hands and knees, his face hovering above Ash’s waist, “I’m gonna take these off, okay?”

Ash nodded, lifting himself slightly to allow Eiji to take off his boxers.

Eiji had never actually seen a dick that close up in person before. Sure he’d seen men nude in onsens, and in the gym locker rooms when he was in school playing sports, but this was new. Seeing Ash splayed out in front of him, his cock flushed pink and pretty compared to his pale skin. Though Eiji couldn’t help the slight giggle that escaped his lips when he realized something.

“Are you laughing at my dick?” Ash said, humored but slightly horrified, ready to flip Eiji over instead in defiance. 

“No, no” Eiji said, covering his mouth, “I just noticed that the hair _is_ blonde down here, and you shave.”

“Tsk,” Ash scoffed, “I told you, it matches my hair. See if you like it when I compare _yours_ to your hair.”

“Yah,” Eiji cooed, “I’m sorry. I’ll just…”

He made an experimental tug at the skin, watching Ash’s face to see how he would react. The blonde didn’t make any huge movements, but Eiji did catch the way his breath hitched like it was all trapped in his lungs.

“Is this okay?” he whispered, feeling like it was suddenly too quiet in their room.

Ash nodded, muttering a quiet “uh-huh” before asking him to keep going.

Eiji thought this would be much like what he did to himself, only the movement of his hand was backward and he imagined Ash would need a few tweaks, as no two people really got off the same way. 

He pumped his hand relatively slowly, letting Ash get a feel for the pleasure building before he jumped into anything too crazy. He knew the younger man was making more than a few mental adjustments and he needed to give him time to relax.  
  
“Eiji,” Ash moaned, “I think you can go faster.”

So he did, watching his partner writhe under the jerking motion of his hand. He was starting to make these sounds, these beautiful sounds that made Eiji crave more. It made him gasp and sigh himself just hearing them. Eventually, it was too much, and he needed to make his boyfriend create more of that delicious sound. Even louder, maybe. 

He leaned his face down until it was in Ash’s lap, sticking out his tongue tentatively to swipe a lick up the underside of the length.

Ash arched his back a bit then, mewling in a way Eiji hadn’t heard yet so far that night. _That_. He wanted to hear more of that. More pleasure from the man he loved to make him forget any pain.

He made a few more licks, now concentrated more on the tip of his cock, the one spot he knew would make him see stars.

“Jesus, you’re trying to kill me,” Ash moaned, feeling a rush of warmth down into his bones and up his spine with every swipe of Eiji’s tongue.

“Hm,” Eiji moaned, thankful for the praise, opening his mouth and relaxing his throat to invite Ash in.

He looked up at Ash through his eyelashes, reveling in watching the blonde throw his head back against their pillows. He bobbed his head up and down slowly, making sure to copy what he’d seen done before in all his magazine pictures. He swirled his tongue around the head, lapping up any drops of precum that formed from his efforts.  
  
Ash lightly grabbed at his hair, now looking down at the man he loved swallowing his entire length down in one go. The first time he choked a bit, turning his head to cough. But, as soon as Ash began to tell him he didn’t need to, the raven-haired man lowered his mouth down on Ash’s cock again, relaxing his throat completely this time.

Ash should have known he’d be a natural at this. All the times he’d swallowed down their favorite Garigari-kun cola popsicles in one motion, eaten bananas almost whole, and chugged water by the gallon, he was training. That, Ash thought, was the only explanation for how his sweet, inexperienced, loving boyfriend could possibly be driving him up the wall like this.

“Jesus Eiji. How the hell did you learn to do that?"

“Hm,” he hummed, sending a delectable tingle up Ash’s spine.

He released Ash from his mouth with a sinfully sloppy “pop!” going back to massaging the length with his hand.

“What?” he asked, feigning innocence, “They don’t sell dirty magazines back in America?”

“Yeah, _Playgirl_ and _Men,_ but they don’t exactly come with an instruction manual on how to do it like th-” Ash choked off a moan as Eiji decided to lower back down on him with his mouth.

“Um,” he whined, “Eiji?”

The Japanese man didn’t ease off this time, continuing to suck and lick at his partner’s cock like he’d be rewarded with candy for it.

“Oh baby, I don’t think I can,” he moaned, unable to take his jade green eyes off of his partner, “I don’t think I can last if you keep doing it like that.”

“It’s okay,” Eiji hummed around his dick, using his hands while he spoke “Finish.”

Almost like he’d been waiting for permission, he came as Eiji told him to. The warm splashes of cum dripped all over Eiji’s lips, cheeks, and chest.

He tentatively licked at his lips, pleasantly surprised at the mild saltiness but overall decent taste of his partner. Maybe next time he would take him in his mouth.

“Oh no,” Ash chuckled, “I’m sorry.”

He grabbed for his shirt on the ground, wiping away all of his sins from Eiji’s body.

He reached down to pull Eiji up into a kiss, letting the older man sit up on his knees between Ash’s legs. He kissed him deeply, licking into his mouth and savoring the taste of himself on his lover’s tongue. 

“I can do you now too. I want you to feel good,” Ash said, his brain still in a bit of a haze.

He reached down to caress what he expected to be a bulge, but when he pressed his palm against Eiji to feel him he noticed…

“Oh,” Ash gasped, letting his mouth relax so his and Eiji’s tongues could meet in their kisses, “Eiji, you’re _really_ wet.”

“Yeah,” he said, pulling away from the kiss just enough to look Ash in his eyes, rubbing the nape of his neck, “I didn’t expect to like hearing you so much. The more turned on you got the more I did and it just _happened_.”

“When did it happen?” Ash asked, still lightly running his finger across the wet patch of Eiji’s underwear.

“When you came, I did too.”

“Were you touching…”

“No,” the raven-haired man whispered, “Just hearing you was enough.”

“Good god, you’re trying to kill me,” Ash whined, pulling Eiji into their bed to lay with him on their sides.

They just laid there for a moment, kissing softly and whispering praises to each other. Ash eventually made Eiji shimmy out of his soiled boxers, throwing them amongst the rest of their dirty clothes.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Ash asked incredulously, immediately cupping Eiji’s face with his hands so he could look him in the eye.

“We didn’t… have sex.”

Ash kissed his forehead, soothingly rubbing his thumb across his boyfriend’s cheek.

“Eiji, we did have sex. Just not the kind of sex where we’re inside of each other, and that’s fine. I loved what we just did.”

“Really?”

“Of course. I do really want to get my mouth on you though my love. You deserve to experience how great I can make you feel.” 

“Well,” Eiji prompted, not knowing what exactly he wanted to say, “I want that but I think I’m done for a little while. I can’t come again, so…”

“That’s okay baby. I know. How do you feel about cuddling for a while? Maybe I can go make us both some hojicha hot chocolate? The green tea should get our energy back up if you’re in the mood for some reciprocation later.”

“Oh?” Eiji questioned, raising an eyebrow, “Are you sure hun? I don’t want to push you and overdo it for our first time.”

“No, no,” Ash said, kissing Eiji again, “I’m fine. I’m great, actually. I feel so safe with you right now angel. I just want to make you feel good when your body’s up for it. We have all night to experiment.”

“Aye. One hour into having a sex life together and you’re already insatiable. I should’ve known,” he teased, gasping with giggles when Ash attacked the sensitive ticklish spots along his sides.

“You haven’t seen anything yet.”

“Hey,” Eiji said, letting Ash pin his arms above his head, “I love you, you know?”

“I know,” Ash said, relaxing into a cuddle with his partner, “I love you too. More than you could ever understand.”

* * *

_Grrrgrg._

“Uh, I think my stomach just cussed at me.” 

“Okay, okay,” Ash giggled, dragging his body back up until he was nose to nose with his boyfriend, “Despite how badly I want to devour you all over again, it sounds like someone’s body is craving something else.”

Eiji’s stomach made another deep gurgling sound, like a monster trying to pry its way out of the cavernous maze of intestines and tissues beneath his skin.

The older man chuckled, placing one last kiss on the tip of the blonde’s nose before dragging them both out of bed.

“How about you go and take a shower, while I go downstairs to the market and get us something for breakfast.”

“Oh?” Eiji said, perking up his eyebrows, “You don’t want to come shower with me? On our three-year anniversary?”

“I just did, that’s how we ended up back in bed, remember? Besides, I’m sure we’ll need to shower again later,” Ash winked, playfully smacking his boyfriend’s ass as he turned to go into the kitchen, “You go. Food should be on the table by the time you’re done.”

“Hmph,” Eiji huffed, “Fine. But, you are going to shower with me later, that’s an order.” 

“Aye-aye captain.”

They both parted and went their opposite ways down the hallway, Ash throwing on his shoes and grabbing his wallet as he left.

Eiji stretched as he brushed his teeth, looking himself over in the mirror. He had small love bites and faint red scratches littering his skin. One deep purple mark was front and center on the side of his neck. Thank goodness they only saw his family every few weeks or his mother would’ve had a fit. His sister would’ve laughed, before making some exaggerated gesture to show how gross it was that her brother got laid. He couldn’t help laughing to himself just thinking about it.

He climbed into the shower to wash his hair and his body, letting the warm spray of water hit his sore muscles and small bruises. Something felt different about that day, he just couldn’t put his finger on what. Ash had always asked strange, seemingly out-of-the-blue questions, but he’d been doing it more lately, even if he was trying to be subtle. He’d been bringing home their meals more often and cooking on his own, reading Eiji’s home decor style magazines along with the newspaper in the morning, and he’d been going out more often with that friend of his, Lily. 

She was a sweet girl, one Eiji had grown to love even more than Ash did, he thought in passing. Nothing worth stressing over. 

He’d look at Eiji for a touch too long even when he was doing the most mundane things. He’d ravished him like he wanted to leave no inch of his body untouched, twice, that morning. Which, he’d admit, wasn’t exactly strange anymore those days, but still. It was all of those things put together. 

He’d even gone to visit Eiji’s mother just that past week without him! 

“Tsk,” Eiji thought, “How rude.” Though he had brought back his favorite dish that his mother had no doubt made once she knew Ash was coming, but still. It was all just a little strange. No matter, Eiji thought to himself, humming some song he’d heard over the speakers in the grocery store days prior, Ash would eventually explain. He’d just kept enjoying his delicious American dishes and a break from their kitchen while it lasted.

He finished washing up just in time to hear their front door close, just managing to finish lotioning his legs before Ash called out for him from the kitchen.

“Eiji! They were out of the avocado salad,” he said, the pout on his lips audible even when Eiji couldn’t see him.

“What’d you get instead?” he yelled back, sliding a t-shirt over his head before he exited the bathroom.

When he got to the kitchen, he was surprised by the feast that Ash had laid out.

“Okay. I can see that you might have gone overboard on replacing the salad.”

Meat, crispy string potatoes, eggs, salad (though not Ash’s favorite kind), juice, bread, _and_ rice, for good measure, were spread across their relatively small kitchen island.

“I know,” Ash said, overlooking the food, “Worst case scenario, we have to freeze the leftovers. Here’s a plate for you my love, just take what you can eat.”

“Challenge accepted,” Eiji said, taking healthy portions of, well, a little bit of everything onto his plate, while Ash did the same.

They sat together on their terrace, eating on their separate little mats and sitting on floor pillows Eiji’s mother had bought for them years ago. Eiji raised his chopsticks full of meat and rice into his mouth, stuffing it so much that his cheeks puffed out. Ash couldn’t help but poke his cheek, then fill his own mouth to mock his partner. 

They ate and talked and laughed together while they watched the sun steadily climb over the horizon, bathing their city in it’s warm pink and orange glow. Their city coming to life as it did.

“Hey babe, do you remember what you said to me in your letter?” Ash asked, eating the last few bites of his food that lingered on his plate.

“Oh god, my letter? It’s been years now, I don’t really remember exactly what I said,” Eiji said, wracking his brain to try and remember, “Why? What about it?”

“I remember the ending. I’ve been thinking about it a lot over the last few weeks. So much that I had to go pull it out and read it, and I ended up re-reading it so much that I kind of accidentally memorized it.”

“You memorized it?” Eiji said, his eyes soft, “God, I wrote it and can’t even remember it. Tell me what I said?” 

Ash looked out at the sunrise and sighed. 

“Okay, I remember the end the most. You said…”

_Do you remember telling me about the leopard in the Hemingway book? He died at the top of the mountain, and you said he knew he would never go back down. But I said you are not a leopard, and that you can change your future. It’s true, Ash. You can change your fate._

_You are not alone, Ash. I am with you. My soul is always with you. Sayonara, America. Sayonara, New York. But I’m not saying “sayonara” to you, Ash. Because this isn’t goodbye. I know we’ll see each other again someday. You are my best friend, Ash.”_

When Ash looked at Eiji, he almost broke as he saw tears threatening to spill over in his eyes. Eiji noticed that Ash was surprisingly tearing up as well.

“If nothing else, I’ve learned that you are the best friend I could’ve ever asked for,” Ash said, his voice slightly shaking, “You are so much more than I’ve ever deserved, and... I won’t ask you for forever Eiji, but I hope you will love me for as long as our hearts allow. Will you close your eyes for me angel?”

Eiji nodded furiously, closing his eyes and waiting with bated breath as he heard Ash enter their apartment and come back outside just as quickly.

“Okay,” Ash said, taking hold of Eiji’s hand, “Open.”

It’d be an understatement to say Eiji’s heart backflipped in his chest.

Sat in Eiji’s hand was a small velvet-covered box. He knew what would be inside, but still, he couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Why’d you go visit my mother?” Eiji said, the words rushing out of his mouth.

Ash chuckled, tears now actually pouring from his eyes.

“I asked her if this was okay. If she gave me her blessing to ask you this question.”

Ash took Eiji’s hands in his own, opening the box with steady hands to reveal a ring. A beautiful sapphire ring with a row of small diamonds across the top and hidden engravements of their initials on the inside. 

“Eiji, will you be mine? For as long as you’ll love me and want me to be yours?”

“So... forever then?” Eiji said, pulling Ash into a long sweet kiss.

They pulled away and rested their foreheads against one another, drinking in the other’s presence.

“Okay then. Forever,” Ash said, placing the ring on his finger.

_\- Fin -_

**Author's Note:**

> thank y'all so much for reading! sooo how'd you like it? leave me a comment, a kudos, come yell at me on tumblr even (@laotaohoney) if that's your prerogative. 
> 
> i'm begging you to go read [these excerpts ](https://emeraldeyes23.tumblr.com/post/611435413457059840/ash-and-eiji-the-forever-married-baes) from the OG manga sometime. I (kinda) modeled my Ash and Eiji from the canon and god they're so cute.
> 
> if you love it i mayyyy write a lil epilouge chapter. soooo subscribe if ur interested in that.


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